Crazy Mail: Chapter 1

Subject: Broken Cable Box

Dear JS,

I received the complaint you have e-mailed me about your cable box and how it does it doesn't work. Thank you for informing me. Unfortunately, we don't have enough cable guys to get to you. We will get to you soon!

Richard McLane-Orgcast TV Manager

Subject: RE: Broken Cable Box

Dear Richard,

I appreciate the gesture of writing me back... though... in the nicest way I can think of... Bush married the devil and asked to go to his house and work for him and, still, you are dumber. First, "Thank you for informing me"? How does that help me, Manager of crappy TV? Second, How in the world can't you have enough cable guys? Lastly, all I ask is to fix my cable box, is it to hard for a cable company to fix cable box? Look I suggest you get me a cable box by March 28th, 2010.

JS-Normal Human

PS: Seeing how you like puting your name with a hyphen, I am doing that, too

Subject: Revenge of Richie

I received your offensive message(which I was not very fond of), and decided to take your advice and think a little. Your cable box will be ordered in a month. The part where I use my brain is that I will quit Orgcast in a month and there isn't any other cable guys so you will go to China to receive your cable box! Screw You!

Richard McLane-Avenging Future Ex-Manager

Subject: @!#% You! McLane

So smart! I can get a mail man! Duh! I am a good friend of Mr.Orgcast and I can tell him to fire you and get a cable box before I can say Bob.

JS- Angry Human

Random Name of Blog

If you are asking yourself why is my site called "My Chicken Friendo" is because not because I have a chicken friend but was the only name I could think of in the moment. If you think I'm a retard, you better buy some common sense because you would do the same thing I did. But if you didn't do what I did, well, you had a different idea. By the way, welcome MyChickenFrindians!

Palin's Poem

Palin, Please let go of me and
Palin, Please release my wee.

Palin, When your grandfather dies;
the one you always dispised
you will whiz on his eyes.

Palin, you should go to the crazy clinic.
They cut off your head
then they spread it on bread
It's the place you truly belong

Palin, Would you get off of me and
Palin, Would you stop licking my knee

Palin, Now that your grandfather is dead
you will drop a ton of lead
on your grandfather's head

Palin, you should go to the crazy clinic.
They cut off your head
then they spread it on bread
It's the place you truly belong

Palin, Stop throwing rocks at Lee and
Palin, Cease banging a chair on his house key

Palin, your grandfather woke up and
now he has a hiccup and
Palin, He found out about you and
he said "adieu!"
and started crapping on you!

Palin, you should go get an attorney.
an attorney covered in acne,
with hair made out of algae,
and a brain filled with poo,
that's the husband for you!

The Hippie From the Office Depot™ Lagoon

While I was writing more posts for your laughter, happened what happens to most people, when you are using a pencil, it breaks and you need to sharpen it, but when there isn't anymore lead in a mechanical pencil, you need more. Did you ever ask yourself, what happens if there wasn't any more lead? Did you ever ask yourself, what you would do without a pencil? The following of the rest of this post is suitable for young children, parental descretion not advised, ask your doctor if Claritin™ is right for you. That day, I couldn't use a pencil because they were tiny from sharpening, so I took out my mechanical pencil, but what shamed me was that I couldn't use the mechanical pencil because it did not have any lead. But I still had a back-up plan; Office Depot™. I went Office Depot™ and got brand-new pencils and five boxes of lead. I went to the cashier, which I learned was a hippie with long hair and a PEACE necklace that was so large I thought that that was why leaning down a bit. I gave him the pencils and lead, and he said in a lazy voice,"You are the meanest dude I've ever met". I did not under stand why but I took my pencils and lead and went to the next lane trying to forget his random remark and thankfully I went home where I was happy to know that that an was not near me anymore.

Manic Motels

When I was on my trip from Florida to New York, I stopped at a motel for the night. It was called "What's that smell? Motel". I said to myself,"It does not sound very nice, but I'm exhausted, so I might stay anywhere possible". But my idea was terrible because thirty minutes later I ran out that motel. The motel looked like if it had been covered in toilet paper, all the floors were brown, the ceiling was ripped and had spiders crawling-I swear, before I left, a spider jumped on me landed on my shoulder-on it. For some reason it wasn't a motel because it didn't have rooms, it had coffins the size of a chicken nugget. So I left that day, and looked for a better motel that had rooms. I go to a motel called, "We have WIFI! Motel". I went inside and I went to check in to the motel. I said to the woman in the front desk, "I'd like to check-in". She said "Okay, that will be $100". I paid the $100 and went to my room. At the end of the hallway to my room was a door to somewhere I didn't know, so I opened the door and saw the last motel I was at!

Monkey Business

If you don't know I live in a very large house with a laptop typing my posts for your laughter everyday, keep not knowing because I live in an apartment with a monkey named Jorge. Unfortunately, Jorge is a very sad monkey. He is always crying and crying and crying, so one day I bought a girl monkey for him to feel better and for him to have a better life. So as soon I showed him his girlfriend he wrote-because he can't talk-that he was sadder than before because he said that now more people we're going to die earlier then he was, so I called a pet therapist to get my monkey to feel happy and therapy did not work so I had to do saddest thing that came to mind; a monkey sale. I ended up selling Jorge to a very sad man. These to sad people ended up smiling at each other. As soon as Jorge left, I cried. I sold the second monkey the day later and bought a new one that was very happy, but that monkey died the next day. To this day I don't own any monkeys.

Freaky Fatso Neighbor

One morning I wake up to see two things; A beautiful morning and a very fat man whom I knew was neighbor I and asked him,"Why are you here?". He didn't answer. I asked again and he punched my stomach. "What's your problem" I said. He said with a deaf voice, "I can't hear you idiot". He started screaming at the top of his lungs and climbed to the roof of my house and jumped down, and that is how I started my Saturday.